Establishment. Driving up to Michelina's on a cold winter night, one might mistake it for a Roman bathhouse because the windows will be fogged up and unspeakable things will be happening inside. Michelina's looks more like a stock room than a pizzeria as it has no dining room to speak of and is designed strictly for take-out. The staff is very well-mannered via phone, Michelina's offers many reasonably priced ($5) non-pizza lunch specials, and the interior is as clean as stainless steel can be, but that's about it. Normally, this would be fine because its not unheard of to get extraordinarily good food from a proverbial hole in the wall. Unfortunately, this is not that hole in the wall.
Pizza. This is the unspeakable thing happening inside. Michelina's pizza is beyond abysmal. The crust feels, looks, and (one would imagine) tastes like wet cardboard. Cold, wet cardboard. The military should be doing research on the cheese because when it cools and congeals approximately an eighth of a second after coming out of the oven, it has the texture and bullet-stopping properties of Kevlar. Incidentally, the sauce has a unique ability to provide a tasteless medium on which the cheese may float indefinitely, independent from the crust. Only the provision of a binder clip could save Michelina's pizza from extreme ingredient slippage. Fortunately, ingredient slip was most welcome being as the sausage tasted like it had been soaking in a chlorinated pool before going onto that wretched pizza and into the oven.
The bottom line. Michelina's should not offer pizza. Seriously, every single thing on their menu that isn't pizza has got to be better than this pizza.
Establishment: 12/30
Pizza: 10/30
Hits the Spot: 2/10
Large Cheese: $11.95
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